Habitué

Wish you were here–we will face the waves with no fear. Just hold my hand and I’ll be more fancier.

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Tainted|The Bitter End


I closed my eyes when I saw you from the beginning;
and I knew it was love, the thoughts of a storm I must say.
My heart is bleeding ‘coz I want to stop myself from falling.
We are light years apart, and yes I know I’m dreaming.

I heard the lonely song cry and it was very gentle without a sound.
Life now is like a broken glass, and the footprints on the sea was slowly wash out.
If love is made to be broken then I will throw myself into the coffin.
This pain is never ending, and I can’t stop my gray heart from screaming.

If change is for the better, but why is my gray heart too bitter?
Maybe it was destined that you gave me that revolver.
I will pull the trigger and eventually shuffle off this mortal coil.
But I will not do that either; because I always believed that your smile is a ray of light.

I can still smell the sweetness of the gunpowder and it made me wonder.
It’s very tempting and very enticing.
Right now I still love to visit the ocean of our memories–
The truth is, I can’t follow you to the afterlife; however, I will live and continue to explore the infinite spectrum of possibilities.

I Want To Know What Love Is

After I jot down the topic about Aristotle’s Philia last week, another task was given to me and it’s all about Stendhal’s book called “On Love”. So, I was delighted to share the notes that I took down.

silhouette-of-lovers

photo credited to the owner http://www.publicdomainpictures.net

Stendhal is the pen name of the French writer named Marie-Henri Beyle. He wrote the book “On Love” in 1882. On the first chapter of the book “Concerning The Birth Love”, he penned down about what will happen if we fall in love;

“A very small degree of hope is sufficient to cause the birth of love.”

Stendhal

He said that the first idea of falling in love is Admiration (the ways that we can admire someone).

After we admire someone, then we will start to have that kind of Attraction (which means that the sexual attraction will allow us to think, kiss, and touch them).

When we are attracted, then we will start the idea of Hope. This is the time when we see the good qualities of the beloved (which causes us to take away our sense of pleasure), and that  we are completely taken by their appeal.

After we feel that Hope, then that’s the time that the love will be born.These are our mutual desires and romantic connections. He said that love is to enjoy from the other’s company and the way of getting the love as our possession.

When we will have that kind of love, then that’s the start of Crystallization. The idea of seeing them as the one when we fall in love, and that’s the time when we think that the person is very special to us. Stendhal said that the passion and the desire of hope will eventually distort us and that made us feel so caught up; however, in the end we overate and we deluded them.

Then Stendhal used the metaphor of salt of mines (the big crystal salt) which can be found in Salzburg. This is the time that salt of mines will happen when we fall in love and think that person is covered with diamonds. He pointed out the idea that we have to be perfect when we are in love. And if we are in love, we tend to forget to look at the good and the bad side of the person.

When we start the idea of crystallization it means that we expect them that they will love us back.  This is the time of the second level of crystallization when we are looking for the best on why they want us back. It is like a feeling of a romantic fantasy.

Crystallization according to Stendhal  is actually not based on reality, but it is the natural feeling of a certain person when they are in love. It is reinforcing the idea that we expect them that they will love us back the way we love them.

Then after all of that, we will then start to magnify the idea of qualities that they have, Stendhal said that, “When we fall in love, we must find all the reasons before we fall in love”.

Right, it has the same idea on what Aristotle said that he want us to develop our critical thinking by figuring out the reasons before we will fall in love.

 


 

 

 

 

Philia

According to Aristotle, Philia is a kind of love that we see in the other person. We love them because they portray all the good qualities in life (which also includes virtues). We must have all the reasons so that we are guided with our rationalities. In other words, we should have all the qualities and rationalities.  That is why philia is different from romantic love. Romantic love is mostly based on our feelings guidance. He also added, that we can fall in love to somebody with our feelings, but at the end, it can eventually turn into a bad feelings. The idea is that, pleasures are not the only basis of love; however, we can love someone erotically at the same time, as our friend. But, attitudes and desires can cause to cloud ourselves. Normally, we love that person because they are virtuous and a good person at the same time. We can also love that person and have sex with them, but then, after we will know them personally– we tend to hate their personality.

On top of that, Aristotle explains that falling in love with reasons is distinguishing the false from the truth. He added that happiness is greater than having pleasure, sex and passion. If we are thinking about love, we must have the ability to think about it with a broad sense, and that is why philia or the friendship love is good. By having a good set of friends, it is one way of how we organized with ourselves and how we can have reasons that are well enough. Falling in love involves spending time talking with the other person and a way of making consistent good decisions for ourselves. The idea of finding a good relationship with the other person will enable us to think critically. Critical thinking in the sense of values and qualities of the person, and the roles that we want to play in our relationships.

Aristotle also said that the key to a good relationship is a good friendship, and good friendship is more important than romantic relationship. By having a good friendship is a way of allowing ourselves to know all the reasons before we let ourselves completely being swept away. If we did that, we will have the chance to allow the spark for the ideal romantic relationship.

On the other hand, love is wishing or seeking the good for the other/beloved for his/her own sake, Aristotle explained. In an ideal relationship, one is concern on what we think for ourselves, and the other one thinks on what they think for the others. In order to do that is to love the other person before ourselves. Another way also is by having self love, in which it can give us the pleasure in ourselves. If we will have all the positive virtues; then, we will be able to achieve true love. If we will find all the best interesting qualities of life; we are not only able to satisfy the desires, but also a way of enriching our minds. We love the person because they are good, and we will need somebody that will have the same basis of our own understanding.

Physical Attraction must not be the only reason to fall in love with. However, we must find a way to get to know more about them, he said.

Sex is the main reason why most people’s rationality is clouded.

If only we are aware of what we may have, then it will lead us to find the better reasons. When we find that reasons, then we will have that feeling order, and the second thinking level order. Reasons are the way that allows us to think our past. Based on what we can observe today, the generation’s trend are mostly based on sex acts in which sexual nature in general couldn’t be deny. They are more into pleasure and fun, exploring the body parts, women became a property, and sex becomes a symbol. But, if only we will not allow ourselves from following those criterias, men and women will meet in equality. The advertising culture is the main reason for changing the standards and setting those standards that made our minds being clouded. Having said that, we can avoid those things by having a proper critical thinking. We people must be able to think for ourselves to be able to achieve the desired goals that will best work for ourselves. If we will practice that good attitude, then we may be able to preserve the sexual equality.

Sex in the society nowadays is obviously the basis on how people function in their human life. Aristotle reminded us that we must avoid having all kinds of false hope in ourselves. But, what is important is to make sure that we will be doing all things well. He wanted us to think about these cultural illness, and we must know how to recognize the things that we don’t want to get right away.

Critical thinking, good friendship, and self love (self love is a way of treating your best friend the way you love and treat yourselves) are the keys to achieve the desired good relationship.

 

(This topic was discussed in relation to my online note taking job, so I decided to share it because the topic itself is very interesting.)