Love Triangle

“I didn’t know what to say to her – I was caught in a love triangle with one dead side.”

-John Greene

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Pachydermatous (Every Teardrop Counts)


He woke up and he was foreboding to cry, but unfortunately his tears drops like a heavy rain with a thunderous roar. I was doing my unfinished task at that very moment when I heard him cry even if my headset was on. Then I rushed myself to basically calm him down, but more tears were coming out from his eyes. I knew it already that he was looking for her Mother. So I calmly spoke to him, 

“Sky, don’t beg for her time but instead be happy.”

Then I slowly explained to him why she left and that slowly made him feel calm and secure. Sky just turned four today, so I decided to slowly give him the points of understanding based on our status. My elder son basically understand the situation but Sky is  just slowly adapting. Since then, he is very dear to me from the time that he was into his existence. The closeness began when he was so little. Way back then when I was still working from my previous company, I usually took charged of the babysitting at night. I woke up on wee hours if he  cries and asked for a bottle of milk without even complaining of my tiresome job that day. That initial bond became stronger up until now. He is even jealous when I give my attention to his “Kuya” elder brother. He always find ways to get my attention that made me and his “Kuya” laughing. So, we ended up teasing him. 

What’s my point?

Sky in general needs her Mom’s attention that’s the substantial reality in which her Mom couldn’t comprehend. I must know because I knew all his actions and I knew it when he misses her that much. I was upset, that’s the truth. I leaved them both so that they will have enough time for each other to cuddle but I guess she was just too busy doing her thing. Even if my son always call her name, she continually ignored him in some sense. I grew up without my parents with my side, so I can basically relate for what he was feeling. That sense of excitement to have her again for him in which she undoubtedly could not understand why our son acted that way.  I am the type of a father who doesn’t tolerate hatred. I’ve been there done that and it only caused severe depression that made us humans to find ways in escaping reality in which it will create a damage to a certain family relationship. Believed me it is infinitely proven. 

A mothers love is totally different from the child’s perception in which I couldn’t  do it and gave it at the same time. I am not too greedy if he is looking for her, I always make sure that I can reach her just to connect with him. For me it’s too pathetic, why? My son’s situation acts like a chaser (like me), the chaser of infinite blithe. In fact, what I always wanted her to do is too basically spare her “precious” time with him but I can sense that she has more important things to do and that made my son her least priority. What the F!

Pachydermatous.

Est qui appellatus est


As the sun started to closed it’s eyes, a strange feelings came in with surprise. 

I checked her profile for a while and I was captivated by her sweetest smile.

I clicked on her chat box and few seconds later, she responded with “Hey! What’s up?”

I was dumbfounded and hastened to reply back, Geez! My brain was stucked. 

I’m still shocked and drug up, for she gave me the intense feeling of being euphoric like an addict. 

Don’t asked me why I feel so shy, I was infatuated and that kind of feeling is automatic, I can’t deny.

She loves baking and cooking and I love poetry writing and portrait sketching.

Love is not a common thing, it will basically surprise us and it will make our hearts sing.

Questions of Love


If love is blind, why am I still seeing You?

If I set my heart on fire that means I am in love, so why can’t I be called an arsonist?

Love can be broken, so if I intentionally broke the glass infront of you, can we call it love?

Love is full of heartache and pain, can I suggest an anesthesia? So that I can no longer feel heartache and pain?

If I said, “I am addicted to you.” So, why can’t I be rehabilitate for my addiction?

Love is a dangerous thing, then why do couples always say ” ’till death do us part?” So, it is not dangerous at all.

Love is sweet, then why I am still bitter? Even if I am still in love with you.

If I pour out my love for her, then why is she still alive and not drowning?

Holy shit! I think I’m in love because they said love can drive you crazy. 

Am I?

Why Do We Suffer?


It is always been our question when it terms to the down fall of our life. Aside from that we always questioned our known God by asking ourselves “Did God bring our suferring?” Or “Is suffering done from free choice and is suffering external to humanity?”
Let us understand and consider one factor that may caused our suffering which is “social problems”.


Our life depends on how we end up in the society because we are taught how to socialize in our school, that they want us to look good in the society that we lived in. The school also provides knowledge tool in general and school itself is responsible for the secondary socialization by making a manifest functions. 

The school also gave us the chance to create and select our own group of friends that we hooked up everyday. So it is now the start of “the sense of belonging” either it is a good influential friends or a bad influential set of friends. 

Basically, choosing our set of friends depends on the best interest of ourselves that we are very comfortable and welcome.

Our peers or friends socialized to be able to have a sense of belonging. Take this example like being in a gang or a certain group,   in which a person may tend to have a characteristics of having self-competence, love and connectivity.


From the very beginning in which we re-socialized (the pattern to adapt new ones like in prison and religious conversion) to be able to have a stable function in the society. Re-socialization may also involved stress, almost and always, in relation to the the type of work we are in. But stress in general can be eased through theraphy, which is also considered as one factor of re-socialization because it helps us to adapt new sense for who we are.

Lastly, there are expectations in the society that we can do as an appropriate individual. The idea of socialization is continous to the very end. We are basically judged by the people of who our friends are. When they knew that one or two of your friends are known addicts, of course the group that you are in to are labelled “addict friends“.

Yes, it’s true that addiction is more on cultural influenced but another factor that will be considered also is psychological. If a certain person has high addiction it means that he has high psychological reaction. It may be associated with the strange relationship with the family. 

Yes, We cannot blame the others to judged because there is a certain thing called correlation, like there is a correlation in substance abuse and crime. In general aspect, the correlation which is a variable that happens but it is hard to react what causes the other. More likely, we cannot judged a certain person why he or she is addicted because there are many factors involved on it.

But to be honest, dealing with an addict is not a big problem in the society. They are more emotional, so to speak. They found love in a certain group that they belong and that kind of emotion was never shown by their loved ones. This type of people are very honest and very much emotional. The most loyal one that they are not tired of loving even if the that person never loved them back. 

I knew because I was part of it and i’ve been there chasing the bee that flits from flower to flower and hoping I will catch it, so that I will achieve the infinite blithe.

Dear Summer


I saw you crying in my sleep but you’re gone too soon. Daddy is coming home and brought some colorful balloons. Before I reached home, the dour and overcast skies started to fade into black. 

It was so bleak that the  arch of heavens was foreboding to cry. Why too soon? You never said goodbye. I’m still hoping that one day I will be at your side and we will watch the birds fly by. 

My life was star-crossed and melancholic. September to remember my little angel, I love you and I know one day you will take me out of the blue.