Besides mutual admiration, the first requisite for a platonic friendship is a subtle disdain…(unknown)
It was not an ordinary day; the street was so busy in the early sunrise. I woke up early full of excitement to attend a briefing for the coming election, in which it will be on the following day. I usually come up early in the morning because I was just living with ex-wife’s parents. Preparing breakfast for them and other family chores that is to be done.
The atmosphere I felt on that day was just so different, I truly don’t know why. Maybe because I was so excited to be assigned in a topographic point where I never expected to go; they said that the place that I will be in is the last known barangay of the town. A secluded place in which you can see the native people; yes it’s true! A place which is parted by a river from its neighbor, the Davao Region. I saw a few of them clothed in their colorful native dress. The elderly women took in their own version of bling-bling and of course you can see them wearing their beautiful tattoos with a matching tunnel in their ears.
Only that is not the story that I will be sharing; so I dressed myself ready to attend the so called election briefing. I went to the municipal gymnasium and had I seated in the far corner and let myself feel comfortable whilst waiting for the others to come. The gym was like a flower garden, very loud buzzed sounds that you can find out, because of the people talking to each other. Topics like who are the politicians that they will vote and some arguments about who merits the position. I am a stranger in that seat so no close friends, I must say.
It was almost about half an hour that passed, I stood up and wandered around the place. I went from far end to far end, just to fight boredom whilst waiting. As I roamed around the gymnasium I noticed someone that genuinely had my mind feel so shocked at what I saw. If you could imagine yourself that you are in the busy street of Tokyo, thousands of people crossing, but still you manage to discover something that excites you.
(My sketch drawing of her beauty)
So the scenario was like this, when you’ve discovered that particular beauty; all you can see, was that from her right, left, front and back were all blurred out. The main highlight was her ravishing look; long dark hair, fair complexion, pointed nose and has a jaunty eye. She’s about 5’2 more or less in her stance, but it doesn’t matter, overall? She is absolutely drop-dead gorgeous!
I admit, I forgot that I have a partner (we are not yet married at that time and after a few years we had our civil right vows and we split up, that is why I am single now). Well, it took me 2-3 minutes of staring, who would not, right?
Like a thunder that struck you from inside, my heart beats faster; faster than a bullet train. I guessed it was a feeling of “What the fuck”. I can’t help myself swearing, forgive me. The kind of mixed emotion, feelings, I actually don’t know what to do at that time, but to find an excused to follow her wherever she may go. Teenage crush thingy feelings, that was the deepest feeling and shit falls out.
Those surrealistic and absurd feelings that even in my nap is still haunting me. I asked God at that time, “Did you really send her with right intention or I am just a sinner trying to commit another sin? Maybe my eyes are overly keen to appreciate her beauty? Is it real love or admiration?”…
That was some ten years ago.
I eventually had another glimpsed at her beauty, yes, it is finally and it is officially a feeling of admiration. Social media is the main reason and I am not blaming myself, if I felt the same way to what I am feeling ten years ago. It is very irrational to me why I had this sort of feeling. It cannot be avoided; men are really born flirt and I am guilty about it.
Should I stop these surrealistic feelings?
I am a single father now with my two boys, in our country, it is still a stigma if you already hold a kid. But God is great humanity; He can do unexpected miracles in life. I know it is possible though.
Perhaps she is the new chapter of my life that was written to be with until my last breathe or maybe God has designed my life to be a loving and a responsible SINGLE FATHER FOREVER.